I don't even understand myself right now

It’s like I’m scared to be in a relationship because of the chance that I might become emotionally attached to someone else but I’m too insecure with myself to just hook up. In my mind everyone pity’s me because I’m always single and never involved with anyone. But that’s not my fault because I don’t fucking voluntarily want to be single no why the fuck would I want that I hate being single..yet I’m scared to be in a relationship.

If you think this one for you, it's probably is.

Hello bloggers ? hee XD
Sooo where should I start this? Anywhere i guess~ nahhh it been awhile I didn't updated my blog. Well, I'm busy with school life, studying stuff, plus exam. Exam are over! yeah, it been week already.
Now I'm on my holiday mood! weeee happy! well, not really... I suppose to be happy this week, but.. I had a fight with my friend.. hurmmm He was always good to me.. Too blind to notice it cause we're busy bickering with each other.

Yesterday, I cried. Yeah, crying like heart break person. Actually I donno why.. It is because I fight with him ?  I never cry for guys before. I'm someone that hard to cry for somethings that can be settle out.
We've been fight for soooo many time before... but this time , its different.. I felt so hurt like I been shot by arrow. It's sting my heart, leaving unbearable pain.

"Sorry" seen meaningless to him. What he expect me to say actually? I didn't get it ! I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, I hurt people, but when I say sorry, I actually mean it! Keep saying sorry.. but he will just ignore it. Act like nothing happen, that just how you are! Making people felt guilty.
We bickering like everyday, but when we stop talking.. I felt bored, like there missing chapter of life. I wish we never fight about those stupid things. I wish he didn't scared of worms. I wish I didn't start those stupid joke, or teasing him about those worms things. I wish.. I wish.. he was here, bickering on IM like always..

I won't give up on us and I've told you from the start. What held us together is far more important than What is tearing us apart.

In the Club

I'm trying to erase your scent now
I'm trying to forget your touch now
Why did you have to be like that
I can't believe it, in the end you were that sort of guy

I'm trying to find my life now
I'm trying to meet my friends now
You obviously lied, and again, like a fool
I doubted that it was true

Can you please take away all the promises you made?
Even the petty habits, even the small memories
I'll burning them all away
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you knew up till now won't exist anymore

In the club, tonight, for him
In the club, I'll give him my everything
In the club, just like the way you were with that girl
I'll love easily

In the club tonight, for him
In the club, I'll give him my everything
In the club, please embrace my painful scars too
So that only for tonight, I'd be able to forget you

See your figure dancing inside the dazzling light
You place your hand on the hip of first girl you see
In the loud club, I shout out louder for you
You seem like you don't even hear a thing

Tonight, I'll also forget you for a while
I'll erase all the pictures of you and me on my desk
It's tiring, I want to escape from you but
Why do I keep remembering you? I'm not okay

Can you please take away all the promises you made?
Even the petty habits, even the small memories
I'll burning them all away
I'm putting you, who lives in me, to sleep
The image of me you knew up till now won't exist anymore

In the club, tonight, for him
In the club, I'll give him my everything
In the club, just like the way you were with that girl
I'll love easily

In the club tonight, for him
In the club, I'll give him my everything
In the club, please embrace my painful scars too
So that only for tonight, I'd be able to forget you

When this night completely ends
Seems like I'll be left alone in my room
Seems like I'll be crying like a fool
I still see you in my dreams
Now I'll let you go
You shouldn't look for me again either

Random !!

  Jyeah man ! gonna write weird stuff ~ like yeah daaa.. It my freaking blog *middle finger* sucker !!
It been long time since I'm update things on myblog.. "ohhh yaaa" I'm kinda lazy to do soo.
More like chilling with mom,online,hang out (more like passed out/sleep),play Uno..

Sometimes,I'm not myself...Literally..kinda out of my mind ..hehe ^^
Like hell ,I don't care about other people say about me,cause I got my bestbuddy <3

Nowadays,I feel uncomfortable when people get to attached to me..
I like to be chase.. but I like a guy that I chase,not that chase me..
Can't you guys just be friend with me?stop thinkin' about making me ur GF!! FYI !

LOVE?What about it?? nahhhh it about loving others..No need string attached with me tho :P

And one things for sure,I hate when people get closed to my face.. What the Heck !?
What's the problem guys nowadays? Can't they just stop thinking about kissing others?
haishhh annoying tho !

Love thinggie ,nope I called it.. Stupid teenage hormones and (figure out yourself).. My love for Family ,God <3 and others friendly love *guys stop fantasizing more*..
Just love yourself is better.

Until I got more weirdo things,that it for today then :')

Unwanted

Indésirables ..
  C'est ce que je ressens maintenant .. inanimé après cet incident, notre premier combat ... qui nous font même pas parler aux uns et des autres est again.Why cela?
Même moi, je demande encore si vous garde, vous ne voulez même pas savoir.
Êtes-vous sérieux? Quand je vous ai supprimé de facebook, je pensais que vous ferez les moyens de me persuader. Mais aucun.
Pas même un seul texte ou call.Do vous me détestez?
Vous avez laissé quelque chose de spécial me.I gardé ..
J'ai pensé avec cette chose, je peux faire une excuse pour vous rencontrer ..
Mais négligents moi, c'est chose juste gone.missing ..
Je suppose que nous ne sommes pas destinés à être ..
Je demande à vos amis pour sortir avec moi, juste au cas oùvous vous présentez.
Mais je suppose que vous ne serez pas, parce que tu a obtenu«son» désormais ...
Et vous avez probablement heureuse avec son ..
Quant à moi, à vivre la vie pleine de Quilty et indésirables.

Please Don't Go

Last night in my dreams, you drew close to me,
Your whispered words, your hair that brushed against my face..


When I woke up from my dream, it was all too clear,
That your presence was nothing but a dream,
The tears in my eyes told me..


You can’t, you can’t, don’t leave like this,
Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again..


The next time I close my eyes to meet you,
Hold me as I stay still in that spot..


Even when I open my eyes, only your figure is clear,
That your presence was nothing but a dream,
The sadness reflected in my tears told me..


I try and even though I try,
I insist, I insist,
Come back to me..


You can’t, you can’t, don’t leave like this,
Please just one more time, one more time, hold me in your arms again..

The next time I close my eyes to meet you,
Hold me as I stay still in that spot..

I'm falling hard

"Me.. never thinking about loving other people beside my family..but someone..this guy..I care about him..I say to myself,I should only love him as a brother.Not much..

But as time past..I starting feel,jealous??maybe..when he with other girls..when he with with other girl..He said he got girlfriend.my heart just sink..it hurt so much..

When he break up with his girlfriend,I feel relief .but at the same time..I feel a bit disappointed ,cause he now different from I use to knew..He change..like not the same person I knew..Not caring,nice,polite and other good things..

"..dear your so pretty,beautiful,gorgeous.." Did you really meant it when you tell me?or just one of your unconscious things..
Or am I just one of your game??

I starting to study your new behavior..Just like a playboy,being touchy  much..and even pervert! you hold my hand,hug me,and even kiss my cheek.you never did it before,cause i hate it..
"expected the unexpected.." I guess that is it..

You even dare to talk about other girls infront of me..Talking about how much you like them,how cute they were..and even you wanna make them yours.

"I'm falling hard..like a glass fall to the ground,shattered to pieces.."
Never wanted to be hurt..or even hurting other people..but you,the reason im hurting so badly.

Now,we can only remain just a friends.not more..